backpfeifengesicht

so today is august first and its kind of half-way through the year (a little more than, i realize) and it made me re-think about new years resolutions - mostly because i was going through old drafts of ramblings and discovered this one which i never finished which was supposed to be about resolutions. i never made any, which is why i never finished the rambling. in any case, i thought it might be interesting to take a moment and read these articles and think back to how i thought this year would go.

• Article about ringing in the new year in a new way
• End the year with the year in mind
  

i think my original goal was for me to re-read those articles a few days after new years and then come up with some resolutions. that never happened.

but back to the beginning of 2009. i honestly thought i would be going to africa. that whole kiva-fiasco ended with a loud wimper. then while i planned my next move - i was going to go to asia to volunteer or build houses in new orleans - the region was hit with a massive flood - taking up almost 6 weeks of worry and sandbagging. that was a big distraction and then was my extravagant may vacation heading all over the world. i got back in june and *started* looking for a job and getting things back in order and now its august. and today marks the day that i have been without "real" employment for a year. crazy how time has passed and i don't feel as if i have been doing nothing. although i predict that august will be a relatively boring month because both daisy of love and charm school ended on vhone. i was really bumed last sunday when daisy of love ended - i can't believe she picked london! i mean, i get the whole "dangerous rocker" vibe, but flex was HOT and almost sweet. i guess that's ok, too. now flex is available for when i bump into him at a grocery store in chicago...

so back to resolutions or goals or something. i don't exactly know what i want to do - a little bit of everything. i think, eventually, i'd like to go back to germany for a bit. they have cool words like backpfeifengesicht which is the word for a face badly in need of a fist. how many faces do you see like that every day?? and i'm not a violent person - i believe in the lack of violence. but sometimes you just want to hit someone. or at least make them stub their toe.

but i also really want to find a real job. i want to have an apartment to decorate and live in and have time to myself and be alone. or have friends over for a dinner party (most likely catered) and have wine delivered that i can drink each night and not have people give me sideways glances for enjoying some red. and to decorate, i'd have to put up this new painting i bought at the fargo street fair a few weeks ago - isn't it awesome?? i love it. can't wait to properly display it.
and i never really did get any of the "spend a few months volunteering" out of my system. i would really love to go to new orleans and build houses. not right now, though. i'd probably die of some overheating-a-pale-white-north-dakotan thing. so maybe i'll wait to do that in winter when its not so likely that i will pass out in weather greater than 80 degrees.

no, come to think of it... the main thing i would like to do is get a challenging job. i have to use my mind more or i'll end up with alzheimers. and not be so bored all the time. yes, that is my new this year's resolution... find a job. any suggestions?