Sunday, August 30, 2009

lovin', touchin', squeezin'

you make me weep
i wanna die
just when you said we'd try...
i'm in a rather good mood right now. quite giddy, in fact. i rather like living alone and having a place to myself and hearing journey in the car on the way home from a cute indie flick - (500) days of summer - go see. it was mignon. i love seeing movies by myself - it always puts me in a good mood. it would've been even better if it had been at a refurbished old 1920s art deco movie theater, but i guess amc will do for middle america.

today has been pleasantly productive even though i have done nothing. i think i was hung over this morning, which is funny because i accidentally got drunk last night. at least i think i did - i think i went to bed before i was really drunk, but i definitely had a headache all morning. which means i slept through my drunkness, which kind of sucks - thats half the fun of drinking! i had two glasses of wine to finish this bottle i had open (can't let it sit too long or it'll go bad). then my friend, kevy-wevy skyped me and so i took out these two mini bottles of champagne and had those - one for me and one for him since we couldn't have it together. and then we were having such a good time chatting, i had the other two that were left in the fridge. i went to watch the weeds comic con panel and i fell asleep on the couch but awoke a few minutes later with a jolt and i felt ill because i startled myself so. i promptly put myself to bed. then this morning i realized how much i accidentally drunk. woops.

i was craving a sandwich that i used to get in boston all that time at cosi, and i knew there was one nearbyish, so i decided to walk there. its 1.4 miles away, which isn't very far. i figured that would be my workout for today. i set out and of course, there are no sidewalks to walk on. so i walked a mile and a half on grass, which is about my least favorite thing to do in the world. and this wasn't like nice, football field grass where you hope the cute quarterback will kiss you on. this was thorny and gross side of the highway grass that you see in scary movies before someone's head is thrown out of a car. i was worried i was going to get hit by a flying head. i dont understand this phenomenon of building a city without sidewalks. its horrible! and get this: while i was walking, i passed NUMEROUS BUS STOPS. how the hell do you get to a bus stop without a sidewalk?? and when i would get to the intersections of major roads, they would have the crosswalks painted and grooved curbs and buttons to push to get the walk sign, but no. no sidewalks to get TO the crosswalks! how silly is that??!! urban planners are ruining america! it means that people are not talking to their neighbors. people are not going for healthy walks. if you don't have a car, you're actually discouraged from getting around. horrible.

this is the conversation i had with my dear friend, shad, on the way home from cosi and this is also why i am in such a good mood tonight. i feel like i'm helping people. or helping people to help people. which means that i am, somehow indirectly, helping people. the end people, i mean. my friend shad is very important in vermont and he needs contacts back in nodak to kick some certain legislator's butt in gear (will explain more later) and my friend kj's husband is just the guy to do that! so i put everyone in contact and that means i'm helping! i'm making a difference! (well, assuming THOSE people actually go out and make a difference. this contingency difference-making is kind of hard now that i think about it...)

in any case, bravo to all my important friends. the wheel in the sky keeps on turning. i don't know where i will be tomorrow...

wait. yes i do. i will be at work. which i would like to comment on for a second. i was talking to my left half the other day and i was kind of doing this exasperated "ugh - ohio" thing which is my new mantra, and she said something like, "well, what do you expect? this is the midwest." and it really made me think. i've spent all weekend thinking about it, in fact. she is right, but she is not totally. i'm surprised by everything i see out here for a few reasons. 1) i don't know a lot of people in north dakota who are HARD-CORE in to politics and conservatism. people are pretty laid-back and respectful of each other. 2) which is not at all the vibe i am getting from people at work. what you hear in left in the wrong world is a phrase or two of twenty and thirty minute tirades about the government and "fucking liberals." kj brought up a good point, can you imagine if we said "fucking conservatives?" they would not put up with that at all. so point 3) is the fact that these people at work, while i understand a good debate and the natural ability and desire to question the government, are waaaay beyond that point. they have a new person in the room - there are only 12 people in the room and i am clearly NEW and do NOT know any of them - and they feel they can spout their beliefs so violently and without fault. i've never been one to talk politics at work, especially when you are around people who do not agree or who you do not even know you. 4) my last point is that i should admit i have been a bit naive - i truly believed that violent, gun-toting, abortion-doctor killing, hypocrytical uneducated conservatives were not really real. seeing people like this on the news was always, for me, kind of like watching a movie - fine, sure it's mostly believable, but that's not really what happens. and now i know i'm wrong.

so while i understand that left half was correct in her assessment of "what did you expect? this is the midwest?" and people in the midwest are more conservative... she was also wrong because people in the midwest are supposed to be more tolerant and respectful of each other. i truly believe that if i were to say anything that contradicts with some of these people's beliefs (in my office, specifically), it could become a hostile working enviornment. when i sit there and hear what they are talking about, my stomach starts to get warm and my cheeks turn red. that is how upset i get. sometimes i just sit there and try to remember what they are saying for more fodder for entertainment, sometimes it is so upsetting i have to leave the room. i have started bringing my ipod and wearing the headphones so i am not tempted to start an argument. and believe me, i'm tempted. the unfortunate part is that i am not mentally able to point out all of their ridiculous arguments - i'm just not smart enough. and that frustrates me. and as i pointed out to kj the other day, "i'm a polarizing person, so i don't want to bring anything up." while i know this is true about me, i didn't really realize that other people saw it, too. that is, until kj said, "i know, thats what i love about you." !! i guess i'm not as good at hiding that as i thought.

so, for now, i shall be content to put together people who do good work (and release my work frustrations to you, my dear readers). from hundreds of miles away, i am pleased with that bit of doing. and from one polarizing person to the next - i'm going to get ready for bed and listen to a bit of journey.
it's been a mystery
but still they try to see
why something good can hurt so bad.........

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