this city's made us crazy and we must get out

i don't feel well. i'm trying to pay more attention to myself, my mind, my body, etc. i'm trying to be more mindful. its hard because i've always gone through life ignoring things. if i hit my leg on furniture, i dont really think about it. and then days later i'll have a bruise. i eat food while watching tv or a movie or doing something else and i dont realize that i've actually overeaten - i was full a long time ago and just kept eating because it was in front of me. i'll get a headache and take tylenol to make it go away, but not question WHY i have a headache. i'll hear cracks when i stand up or pull a muscle and not realize - these may be fine once in a while, but are not actually normal.

i am now learning that if i were more mindful, i would pay more attention to where i was walking and hit less things. i would feel full and not clean my plate making me much more comfortable and not get that gross feeling. if i have a headache, its most likely my body telling me i'm missing something - a vitamin, nutrient, sleep, water, etc. sitting all day, then going home to sit some more actually makes your muscles tight and make the whole body work incorrectly.

i've never ONCE paid attention to these things. its sad, honestly. i think about how much i've missed out in life because i've been too tired or feeling ill or crabby or anxious. these are NOT normal. we tell ourselves these are all facts of life, but they are just facts of this current lifestyle. not actually facts of life. people who are more active, mindful, conscious of what they're putting in their bodies are much more well-rounded individuals with better quality lives. we think we're going through life living well and to the fullest, but really we're hurting ourselves and not realizing it.

a few weeks ago, i found myself in the middle of nowhere ohio - i was in a rental car driving from cinci to columbus and hungry. there weren't many options and then i saw the big golden arches. i thought, "eh - i eat at mcdo twice a year, if even. i could go for some fries." and the more i thought about it, the more i craved them. i was getting really excited. i pulled off the freeway and got a small fry and 4-piece of chicken mcnuggets. i used to LOVE chicken mcnuggets growing up. and i've always loved their fries.

the first bite of the fry was delicious - so warm and salty. and then... gradually, as i ate more (and keep in mind, i'm trying to be more mindful), i started to attempt to pay attention to my body. my heart started to race. there was a slight pounding in my head. my stomach actually started to not feel well. i switched to the chicken nuggets with sweet and sour sauce. i could actually FEEL the sugar from the sweet and sour sauce spike up my heart rate. i felt disgusting within 10 min of eating. and i realized - i have probably ALWAYS felt that after eating fast food. but i ignored it. or felt good by the instant rush of blood moving every where. but as soon as the blood falls, it doesnt feel good anymore. i felt like shit the whole ride back to my hotel. i checked in and went to my room. i used the bathroom which made me feel better, but get this - then the bathroom smelled like mcdonalds. SMELLED like a FAST FOOD restaurant. thats disgusting. and we joke about it, because it makes us feel better. but its gross if you think about it. your shit is not supposed to smell like your food. how often does your shit smell like apples or salad? i felt like crap the rest of the night - tired and lethargic and like i needed a gallon of water to clear my veins and wash out my mouth. i can't imagine ever eating fast food again.

and thats the thing: fast food is not ACTUALLY food. food is meant to give your body nutrients and provide nourishment and help you FUNCTION. its not meant to make you gain weight or not fit in your clothes or put you into a food coma or make you feel embarrassed about going out or not be able to participate in things. or make you SMELL all around you.

so, back to me not feeling well. i'm on a flight as i write this and my stomach doesn't feel right. i think i might have a peanut allergy or something. i had a banana and some of the in-flight peanuts. and now i have a headache and my stomach feels meh. and i've started to notice this a lot on flights. if i eat the peanuts, i dont feel well during the flight. if i've eaten a nice salad or fruit before my flight, i feel great throughout the whole thing. i need to figure this out.

i can't imagine eating fast food again. and maybe i have to add in-flight peanuts to that.

how does fast food make you feel?