Tuesday, January 13, 2009

talk dirty to me

i just fell. not the i'm-standing-up-and-just-pass-out fall down. the other kind. i was bounding down the stairs in our house thinking, "be careful, your socks are slippery on the carpet." i was so proud of myself for making it down the stairs without falling, so my first step on the hard-wood floor, i kind of took with a leaping-bound and i thought i would do a famous risky business slide and i lost my footing and whomp there it is! there it is as in "there she is on the floor." my whole left knee is red and slightly swollen from my fall from grace. oops.

my parents were in the computer room, which has a door right into the living room where i fell and my mom leans into the doorway, "omg! are you ok??" all i could do was laugh. i thought my slide would be so cool. so the opposite. and it has nothing to do with the two italian margaritas i had tonight. i promise!

so yeah, italian margaritas: mixing two of my three favorite liqueurs - amaretto and tequilla. what's the third? chambord. if anyone knows a drink that mixes all three - please let me know.

my drink tonight was the first time in nearly a week - wait - more than a week (?) i dont know... that i have had anything to drink. not that i am an alcoholic, but i have SO MUCH wine stored, i feel pressure to not waste it! it's not like the time a month ago when i couldn't find my wine glass. i literally lost it. i had been in the kitchen making something (couldn't have been any good, i don't remember what it was) and i lost it. i searched the first floor, i went to my bedroom and looked. i even checked downstairs when i knew i hadn't been down there. after an hour, i found it in the computer room in a bookshelf. i had put the glass down when i was helping my dad and brother on the computer. clearly, i was so engrossed in my cooking in the kitchen, i forgot about it!

and then i watch shows like rock of love bus, currently on vh1, and i think, "wow. i am soo not like that." in case you haven't seen it, you're not missing much, unless you give a lot of credit to watching others who make you feel good about yourself. who am i to judge? no one. but tonight as my father was going to bed, he walked by as i was watching rock of love bus and he said, "he's really got some skanks on there, doesn't he?" my reply, "aren't you glad i'm not like them, dad?" he agreed. can you imagine me as a half-naked, inebriated, bad hair, fake gigantuan boobed gal? hmmm... i really have no problems with women who enjoy being on those shows. i just know i would feel incredibly self-conscious and wouldn't like it. but who knows? maybe that would lead some excitement into my life...

but watching the rock of love bus made me think about poison which made me think about guitar hero. gh - which i love, btw - is like the awesomest game in the world. i have yet to get rock band for the wii and maybe that will surpass, but for now, gh is fab. last spring, after i got the wii and gh, i would play gh before i went to work every day. one day, my colleague says to me (knowing very well that the reason why i was 1 hour later tha i "liked" to get there was because of gh), "what were you playing today?" "i can't remember the song, but it was by poison, you know, with bret micheals. it was sooo good! i got a 5 on the song!" i was really excited, but annoyed at myself for not remembering the name. not that annoyed, though, i promptly forgot my irritation. that morning i went to a few meetings and was back at my desk working on some spreadsheets when i felt the urge to IM my colleague.
me: talk dirty to me.

[30 seconds later]
colleague: ?
of course, when the song i was playing popped into my head, i didn't literally translate the lyrics, i just IMed the song name to my colleague. clearly when the lyrics are something like "talk dirty to me" or "pour some sugar on me" or "you shook me all night long" or basically any other 80s monster ballad title, one should not just randomly IM a co-worker the song name without explaining what one means.
me: i'm so sorry! i meant, thats the song i was playing on guitar hero this morning.
slightly awkward if you want it to be. sometimes awkwardness is fun, i guess. there hasn't been a lot of awkwardness in my life recently...

and tomorrow? why there is no awkwardness and the fellowship that wouldn't be...


  1. ha ha ha...thats great!! I could just picture his face when he saw that...ha!

  2. I hope your knee is better by Saturday morning! I'm going to be putting you to work!

  3. First of all it is Whoomp there it is, Tag Team is particular about the extra "o". Also though I have similar sentiments about Rock of Love Bus, it is completely strange that the most grounded woman on the show is the Penthouse Pet. Usually the the women that get naked for money are not the "normal" ones in the group.

  4. yes, all set for saturday! wait. what are we doing??

  5. i am glad you pointed that out, i would hate to offend tag team, back again, check it wreck it, lets begin.

    but seriously, do we all agree that women who get naked for money are not "normal"? isn't this one of the worlds oldest professions? or is that prostitution? in any case, if i took my clothes off for money, i would hope people would not automatically assume i was abnormal... i imagine people have taken clothes off for a lot less

  6. subject: in case it wasn't clear, this is by poison.