the little thai man got lucky last night

so last night, i was sitting around when the phone rang. i instantly froze. i was worried that it was the restaurant i had ordered food from calling to say there was some problem and ask me a question. but, of course, i don't speak german so i wouldn't be able to help them, then i wouldn't get any food! i overcame my fear and answered. it was my dad. yay! we chatted for a bit and i made sure to throw in a lot of "president," "bomb," and "muslim" words into the conversation. jk! [i wonder what would have happened if i had - would the SS show up at my door??]

anyway, the phone rang like 30 seconds after we got off the phone and i immidiately picked it up "hellloooo" (assuming, of course, it was my dad calling back to tell me something he forgot). it was not.

some asian guy speaking heavily-accented german. he says what i hear is "thai cuisine" and i say "oh, ja" because i'm expecting food from then. then i hear some other words and then "linienstrasse 21" and his voice went up so i could tell he was asking a question. "ja, linienstrasse einundzwanzig." "bis gedubadank und vor mortenhasse?" hmmm.... finally, i say "ich spreche kein deutsche." "spitzelerwarmkalt judabobalyboop biskarte?" so i repeat my address "linienstrasse einundzwanzig." this goes on for about 3 minutes, us trying to, but clearly not being able to, communicate with each other. finally, i hear him say "bibbyidop texatwistein hinten?" and i know hinten! i know the word hinten! it either means "upstairs" or "downstairs" - i learned it in class today. "ja! hinten" i say. as i'm opening the door to my apartment, i hear him responding from both my ears - he was in the stairwell above my apartment. success! we found each other.

so we both laugh - clearly we have no idea what the other is saying. he comes forward and there is this awkward dance because i don't know if he wants me to hold the bag or the thing in his hand. then the light in the stairwell goes off and he's looking for it, and i can't tell him where it is, and we're each both half holding on to the food. so, i have to push it back on him, move him to the side, go out into the stairwell and push the button for the light. whew. AWK-WARD.

so i get the money and he gives me the food again. i put the food down and then he starts counting my change but he's forgotten how much it was, so i have to go get the receipt to give back to him... it was a mess. oh, also, i should say that i ordered a lot of food thinking a few things: 1) i only have a 50 euro bill. i wasn't sure how much they would carry on them for change, so i figured they would be annoyed to give me more than 20 euro change 2) i can just put the extra food in the fridge and eat it over the next few days 3) i had NO IDEA what i was ordering, since the menu was in german and using these half-german, half-thai words so that altavista babelfish (now technically yahoo babelfish) couldn't recognize them. so getting more food would be good so i could try a few different things in case i didn't like anything.

at one point, he pointed to the receipt and said, "erdmann, ist das ihre name? ist das richtig?" which i understand as saying, "erdmann, is that your last name? is that correct?" and i assume he's asking because i clearly have a german last night and don't speak german. so i say, "ja, ich bin amerikanerin" and smile. he looks confused and then gives a faint smile. later, i realize he wasn't asking because of that, he was asking because he couldn't find "erdmann" on the buzzers for any of the apartments. i'm an idiot.

anyway, we sort everything out; he's leaving and i call him back to give him a tip. why do i do this??!! if someone is leaving without expecting a tip - don't force one on them!! save your money! i hate it when i do things like this. anyway, he seems very excited - i gave him 3 euro (about 10% of the bill). so as i'm shutting the door, i realize there is no beer. i had ordered the kirin beer (japanese beer) because 1) i kind of wanted a beer but mostly 2) you can get alcohol delivered! so i call down the stairs "entschuldigung!" (which means, "excuse me!") and he says "ja" from down below. "das bier??" "oh" he comes back upstairs and looks at the receipt. he looks at the bag he has given me, which clearly does not have any beer in it and says something. i figure out he wants to know if i want the beer, meaning he'll have to come back, or if i'll just accept my money back. at this point, je m'en fou. i don't care. so i wave my hands and say "it's up to you." he half turns to leave, and then changes his mind and starts giving me back the money for the beer. which is fine, whatever, BUT he doesn't give back part of the tip! of course, why would he? and it was clear to both of us that i couldn't ask for it back (literally, did not know how) so the little thai man got a big tip last night.

after he leaves, i look at the address of the place from which i ordered (found online at some place that puts together a lot of restaurants for delivery) and discover it's about 5 blocks down the street. i could've just walked there.